A Door Unopened

A Door Unopened
Knock, knock...

Thursday, September 16, 2010


For more Yelp reveiws:

This is what happened to me when I contacted Sears Appliance Repair. Don't let it happen to you.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"


"Sears Who?"

"Sears. You know. We sell populist items. Tools, clothes, furniture, appliances, things in catalogs, automotive stuff. Pretty much anything you could want as long as you don't read glossy magazines like, New Yorker, Gentlemen's Quarterly, Vanity Fair, Architectural Design, House Beautiful, Sunset, Dwell... You know--Anything that suggests good taste or whiffs of snootiness. 'Cuz then you'd be expecting WAY too much. Pay attention bitch: If you wanna buy your huzby some underwear, or buy yourself a lawnmower, WE DA MAN!"

"Uh.... Right.  Great. I'm hoping to get someone out here to repair our oven."

"Sure. We do that. We gotta service plan. It's a GREAT deal.

"Uh, huh. What else you got?"

"Oh. We got something that doesn't sound all that good and really wouldn't be right for you."

"Uh. Yeah. OK. How about we go with the service plan?"

"Great. You've made a WISE decision ma'am. Our soonest appointment is Friday afternoon from 1-5."

"Really? You don't have anything sooner?"

"1-5 Friday afternoon. That's the soonest ma'am."

"OK. All right. We need to get this thing fixed before our tenant moves in.  Let's do it."

"OK ma'am. Your credit card will be charged 279.00$ and a technician will be out on Friday."

"Geeze. Credit card charged already? Well, OK. Thank you."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sears.

Hello Missing Sears technician:
I was expecting you Friday between 1 and 5. I waited in my stupid interview skirt and lame-looking job-hunting heels. I snipped roses, watered ferns, made phone calls to friends, scrutinized the carpet cleaners' work, waited for my favorite neighbor to come home and offer me a beer, watched residents speed by never wondering why my car isn't parked in the driveway anymore but, gosh, there it is today.   I did my best to stay productive and occupied.  You never showed. At 5 o'clock on the dot (it IS Friday, let me remind you) I left our rental house and came home. Was I angry about my wasted afternoon? Yeah, you could say that.

I called.

Ring, ring.

Who's there?

Sears, not a person but an automated, push the right key service. It took a long wait to get a human on the line.

"Hello. I've been waiting for someone for the past  4 HOURS and no one showed up at the house!"

"I'm checking your request. I show the technician has left their last job 7 minutes ago. They are on their way to your house."

"Well I'm not there anymore. It's now 5:20. I don't live there. I waited all afternoon for your person to show up and at 5:00 I gave up and came home."

"They're on their way now ma'am. "

"Well no one's gonna be there.  I waited 4 hours. No one showed. I came home.  I want to reschedule."

"OK, ma'am. It's gonna cost you."

"WHAT? No one showed. I waited from 1-5 And NO ONE SHOWED!"

"If you look at your contract ma'am, you'll see that honoring the suggested time is not mentioned."

"I...WHAT? You said 1-5. I was there. No one showed up. It's Friday afternoon!"

"Sorry about that ma'am."

"I want to cancel my contract. I don't expect to be charged for this."

"There may be a charge since the technician showed up to your house. They checked in at 5:21. They arrived and no one was there."

"Right.  Because I'm now at my house.  I don't live at the other house anymore.  I don't expect to be charged for this. May I please speak to your manager?"

"You can speak to someone in customer care about canceling your agreement."

"But will I be charged? I want to be clear on this. May I speak to your manager?"


"NO!? What's your name?"


"What's your last name?"

"I don't have to tell you that. Would you like to talk to someone in customer care ma'am?"


"Please hold the line and I'll transfer you and thank you for choosing Sears."

Customer care cancelled the service agreement. The conversation was short, not sweet and ended with "Thank you for choosing Sears."

Trust me. I won't make that mistake again.

Sherry , I see you there slunk down behind your computer screen in your sucky cubicle dealing with crabby customers all day while you suck down diet Coke and watch the clock, counting the seconds until you punch out. That's your JOB, sweetie.  You signed up for it, sister. You may want to rethink your career. I don't think dealing with customers is your forte.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not me ever again calling you, Sears."

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